Eight tips to recompose your family - The360 Lifestyle

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  • Saturday, November 30, 2019

    Eight tips to recompose your family

    Eight tips to recompose your family

    Redeploying your family with a new spouse is like merging an organic cheese company into a general mechanics garage, according to Marie Montpetit. A challenge for both bosses and employees. In Succeeding a single-parent and step-up family, the psychosocial worker gives some ideas for reflection. Here are eight.

    Do not neglect single parenthood

    First of all, a period of single parenthood after marital breakdown is "extremely important", according to Marie Montpetit. "It's a transition period, to really understand what you want and what you do not want anymore," she says. It's a pause, like when we put a film on pause because it comes too much to us. We will decant and after, we continue. If we do not take this downtime, we will reproduce the same pattern."

    Compare values

    After staying alone (for at least one or two years, recommends Marie Montpetit), we meet a new lover. Before thinking about joining the two nests, everyone needs to list their values, priorities and beliefs. Then, both adults must compare their lists. "If for you, the first basic value is respect, and for your new spouse, respect comes in eighth place, it will clasher, illustrates Marie Montpetit. It is necessary to establish the bases in a solid way before saying: "I have the taste to invest myself with this person". It can be an excellent spouse, but living at two different addresses."

    Attend the children

    "Please, before going on a family recomposition, go do activities with the new spouse and her children, and vice versa," implores Marie Montpetit. Not just once or twice! Observe how he works with his children. If you do not agree, when you go live at the same address, there will be conflict. The speaker also recommends exchanges, not couples (!) But children. "It's important for Paul to take the children of Lise, his new wife, to an activity," she says. It helps to build relationships. Same for Lise, who has to go out with Paul's offspring. "If Lise has misery with Paul's child, I'm sorry, but do not go with stepfamily," says Marie Montpetit.

    Establish clear rules

    When the decision is made, the parents must establish common rules. The best thing is to respect the Five Cs: every rule must be clear, concise, consistent, coherent and consistent. Providing a setting and a routine for children is essential to help them adapt (again) to a new life.

    Involving children

    Convening a family council is a good idea, so everyone can discuss the rules and adopt them. Adults can actually draw up an agenda (with a point varia to add the concerns of children) and ensure that all meet on Sunday at 11 am to discuss. "It's important for everyone to feel involved," says Marie Montpetit. We then display the rules on the fridge and after one month, we revisit them. "

    No new parents

    "The new spouse is not the new parent of the child," says the worker. Despite the fact that you want a family recomposition, the child will always have both parents. For a short period of time, for example, if he comes back from work early, the new spouse may be responsible for security in the home. "If anything happens, he says what's the rule," says Marie Montpetit. But it is up to the parent to establish the consequence. When you are in stepfamily, it is not up to the other adult to check the children's homework. We are all responsible parents. There are former spouses, but there are no ex-parents."

    Celebrate good moves

    Mother of three adopted children, so somehow member of a family where parents and children have recomposed, Marie Montpetit has long organized "galas of good moves" at home. The concept: Each family member has to name a quality or "good shot" of each of the other people around the table. Parents and children have to play the game. "It's helpful for self-esteem and recognizing the good in the other," says the speaker.

    Preserve the couple

    Without kissing like fiery teens, it is essential that new spouses can hug each other in front of stepfamily. This can be disturbing for a child, who has to be explained that it does not threaten the love his parent has for him. "We also have to be careful of moments of intimacy together, when the children are in bed or when they are not there," says Marie Montpetit. The blended family demands such a heavy adaptation that it is important to preserve the couple, to maintain the flame. Otherwise, we will get lost again."

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